Butter.

Who likes Seinfeld? I do. I’ve been slowly rewatching it and find that I like it even more than when it first ran in 1989… Twenty-nine years ago(!?)

One day, I was watching while eating my breakfast (I know, not very mindful) of bagel (yikes! Carb and no protein!?) and butter (oof?) {Is this person a real dietitian?}

Not just butter, actually… copious amounts of butter. As much butter as earthly physics would allow my bagel to hold. I butter my bagels and then poke them with a knife like Garth in Wayne’s World (ree ree ree) and then butter them some more. It’s an amount of butter that, to look at it, would make your arms ache in sympathy for whoever milked the cows.

This heavenly breakfast experience was set to the backdrop of Seinfeld. As my teeth crunched into my bagel, Kramer came barreling through Jerry’s door about to share his latest crazy scheme or skewed world view. In amazing synchronicity, while I wiped butter off my chin, Kramer peeled the paper off a stick of butter, as if it were a banana, and furiously rubbed it all over his face. He explained it was a great aftershave… and soon Jerry and George were doing it, too. (But not Newman, who was plagued by hallucinations of Kramer as a juicy turkey.)

I thought, “these guys get it!” For years I’ve been trying to convince people that butter is not bad. Saturated fat is not bad, cholesterol is not bad. Beyond “not bad,” it is GOOD (depending on the source & animals’ health & a person’s bioindividuality, of course).

In order to vindicate cholesterol and saturated fat, I’ve employed scientific facts, thoughtful metaphors, image-packed power point slides and enthusiastic gesticulations. My very first attempt was a presentation to my fellow Dietetic Interns (who turned their noses up at the samples of crispy Polyface Farm bacon that I supplied). But after all that, I see now that all I really needed was to screen Seinfeld’s Episode 1, Season 9 (with the warning not to use butter as a tanning lotion.)